Welcome to Druthers, CA! Here are some tips for making the most of your visit with us:
• Yes. Keep checking your mailbox. No, again. Faster. Now, pay it forward. • DO not touch the princess anywhere that her swimsuit would cover. • No sighing in the doughnut line. • Just stop tapping your goddamned foot fer chrissakes. • Uncle Blackman’s Enthusiastic Antebellum Sprinting Adventure is closed for renovation until further notice. • Keep a sharp eye out for “Hidden Deppies” • Climbing on the Leon Uris shelf is strictly prohibited. • No insie-outsies on “Lockout World.” • Only children under 42 inches in height are permitted to romp in Erma’s Cherry Bowl—and each child MUST be accompanied by a non tripping-balls parent. • SORRY! After June 7, 1998, Arlo’s “Shuck Bux” will no longer be honored. • Thank you in advance for not discussing disused aspect ratios. • Cut line early on rides you like. Lines are for babies. • The Sacristy is not there for making-out. Sacristy only likes you as a friend—and not actually all that much to be honest. • PLEASE don’t slam your locker door. • Q*bert ALWAYS hits on “16.” You may double-down on aces and Robotron. • The Parade will NOT stop in the event you are injured by a Moog. • SHAME on you. Seriously.